Joke Race - Foodinite

[Traskus]

Foodinites are a catch-all term for sapient foodstuffs, resembling and having the properties of the foods they are made of. They live all throughout the Wheel, having no origin point whatsoever. They are all artificial, created by magic users who have way too much free time and bizarrely specific interests. Foodinites don't tend to live long, generally only ten years with the occasional nonperishable lasting millennia. They get around this by jamming themselves full of preservatives, freezing themselves, or vacuum-sealing themselves in cans until someone wakes them up.

They have no society, they have no culture, they have little to no reproduction. No group of foodinites has come together and lasted long enough to try. They usually are eaten or spoil before that happens.



Languages: Trade, Hash House
Characteristic Bonus: +1 to Fellowship or Composure
Skill Bonus: +1 to Crafts and Common Lore
Power: Edible Companion: You are healed via Crafts rolls, do not need to eat or drink, and may willingly lose 1 hp per day to feed one other person. Lastly, gain a specialty (singing) in Performer.
Size: Any from 2 to 4, chosen at character creation.

Physical Qualities
Foodinites are literally living food. Think of a food, apply an athropomorphic process, and you have a foodinite. They can look like anything within those limits.

Playing a Foodinite
Foodinites have it rough. They're food, which means anyone who's hungry will look at them with hungry eyes. Try to stay away from places with hungry people, or you'll be attacked. It isn't anything personal or racist, they're just hungry.

Foodinite Racial Feats

Balanced Meal (Foodinite, Paragon)
You may purchase the Food Pyramid feat up to six times, selecting a new option each time. You may spend Action Points instead of HP to feed others.

Fighting Foodon (Foodinite)
You were made to kick butt for some weird Saturday Morning Cartoon reason. Gain a free rank in any sword school or the minor magic feat.

Food Pyramid (Foodinite)
You're food, but you can only be one thing at a time. Select one of the following.

Dairy: Gain a +1k0 bonus to Constitution-based rolls.
Fats, Oils, and Sweets: Gain a +1k0 bonus to Fellowship-based rolls and a specialty (gossip) in common lore.
Fruits: Your Edible Companion power counts as water as well as food.

Grain: Your Edible Companion power can feed up to three people at once or one person for three days per use.
Protein: Gain a +1k0 bonus to strength-based rolls.
Vegetable: Gain a +2 to alignment checks when avoiding Degeneration and gain a specialty (religion) in Arcana.

Highly Processed (Foodinite)
You're more anthropomorphic than most food. Your size is changed to 4, and you have the general form of a human except for the fact your head still looks like food.

Non-Perishable (Foodinite)
You were one of the lucky ones. You don't go bad. You don't need to sleep, breathe, or generally fulfill any biological function anymore. You're also immune to natural toxic properties.

Foodinite Heroes

Ever since he was young, everyone has commented on the fact that T. Uber looked just like a giant potato. Strangely they've never considered the possibility that he is a giant potato. He was born in an abandoned Thriftway just one mile from a local nuclear meltdown. His skin was spotted with deep wet holes, those were his wonderful ear-tubers. During that time he was quite content just listening, it was so peaceful, but then he sprouted his first eyetuber and saw how complex the world really was. He needed to explore it, but how? Limbless and round it seemed impossible. Fret not dear readers, for soon he would discover the miracle and majesty of tubers! With just three stout tubers he was easily able to roll himself out of that place and on towards adventure!

Normally noodles like Ai don't last long. She found a way around that by slurping up others of her kind she can renew her youth and vigor. Every gram of carbohydrates extends her life and every slurp a praise to His Noodly name.

Kaloriemight is a veritable superfood. Derived from all-vegetarian ingredients, she nevertheless covers all your nutritional bases in one tasty package. Her flavoring has a bit of a kick, though, and she brings that same kick to those who exploit peoples hardwired cravings for junk.